Saturday, October 22, 2011

Does gender factor into your reproduction plan?

We have two small children. Many of the moms I know also have two and inevitably when we are in groups the conversations turns to the question who is brave/crazy/coping well enough to try for a third? Usually the discussion includes questions like would we have enough time, money, & space? Then of course there is the question of are we willing to play landlord to a teeny tiny being in our uterus for the better part of a year again? Some think about the work and sleepless nights while others think about the squishy baby chub and sweet baby smell.

Whatever you and your partner have decided the outside world seems to have its own set of rules and while gender is usually only a minute part of the conversation among new moms its seems to be the main question from outsiders. We have two girls and we have gotten the “are you going to try for a boy?” question many times. Still that question is a lot less frustrating than the “Was your husband disappointed when you found out it was another girl?” question.

As I am told parents with one of each gender are not immune. I had one friend who was annoyed because after she found out her second was a girl people kept saying things like oh you must be so happy/relieved to have one of each. She said she loved her son and would have been just as happy to have another boy. Many of my friends with one of each get the exact opposite question we get which is “Are you done having kids since you already have one of each?”

So should families that have one of each be limited to two if they desire more and should people who only wanted to have two keep reproducing until they get the opposite gender?

Honestly, at this point if we were to try for a third it would be easier to have another girl. For me gender doesn’t play a role anymore. I will admit it did when I planned my family in my head I had the genders and the birth orders picked out. Of course my real family is nothing like I planned and I am so thankful for that.

I do however have a few slightly crazy reasons for wanting more children. 1) I sometimes dream of twenty years down the road and giant thanksgiving feasts where I am surrounded by my 10 well adjusted and productive children and even further down the road excessive amount of grandchildren. Of course this dream does not include giving birth to 10 children or paying for 10 college educations 2) I do worry that something might happen to one of our children and then our other child will be left to navigate the world without a sibling but my husband has firmly put his foot down against reproducing just to have a “backup.”

What are your sane or slightly crazy reasons for staying on the baby train or calling it quits?


Genesis said...

I'm giving birth to boy #2 in a few weeks, and people keep asking me if I'm going to keep trying for a girl. Hell, no! I wasn't "trying" for a girl this time! My feeling is, if you're not going to be happy whatever you have, you shouldn't have another. I wouldn't want to saddle a child with the baggage of being a disappointment from the start.

And I'm definitely done. After having #1, I wasn't 100% sure I'd want another, but once we decided to go for it we knew it would be the last one for us. Our hands are full, we're not getting any younger, and there's just nothing in me that even says "maybe." The second pregnancy has been a lot rougher than the first, too, which just adds weight to our decision.

Having a second boy makes some things a lot easier, too. I'm so much less stressed out this time about getting everything ready. We already have everything we need and I feel like we're prepared even if the baby shows up early. It's a nice feeling!

MamaMeg said...

Genesis congrats on baby boy #2!

V*P*A said...

I am done for now! I do worry will that change when the kids aren't so dependant on me!?

I hope not but... people always told me I have my Salt and my Pepper to with a boy and girl set. I thought it was odd. It is a bummer that we can't reuse much. But I am very happy that I have a girl now, my very first thought was teenage years but I think it will be fun.

MamaMeg a lot people seem to worry about #2. But I love you #1... it would be crazy to have a big holiday fest. Thanks for getting this going again.