TMI WARNING!!!
You know you are a woman when you have explosive diarrhea and think "Oooh this is an unexpected calorie free day."
You know you are a mom when you have explosive diarrhea and look at being stuck on the throne as an opportunity to wipe down the things you can reach in the bathroom with a baby wipe all the while talking to a nurse about your baby's cough. Normally you would (like most non-disgusting people) hang up the phone and call back but your child is sick and you've already waited on hold for 30 minutes.
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