Recovery is a bitch, part II

Following up on MamaMeg's post...

I debated about bringing this up, but honestly, this is one of the biggest "Things I Wish I'd Known" thus far, so if you're squeamish about blood and girl parts, just STOP READING NOW.

I was ready for the blood during delivery. I'd been in the delivery room a couple of times with family members, so I knew what to expect (although I still want to know how we ended up with blood on the chair behind my bed - can't figure out that trajectory). But I didn't realize that following the birth I'd have what is essentially a 5-6 week menstrual period. Yeesh. And every time you go to the bathroom there's a cleansing/pain relieving ritual you have to go through. Forget taking a quick pee. Those days are over for awhile.

And did I mention that you can't use tampons during this time? Yep, you're stuck with maxi pads, and at the beginning you need BIG ones. Not fun. You're already uncomfortable walking and sitting due to your downstairs trauma from the birth, and then you factor in the maxi pad and you develop this really attractive bow-legged waddle.

To top it all off, one of the signs that you're supposed to watch for so that you know if you're bleeding too much is, I kid you not, passing "blood clots bigger than a golf ball." Holy cow! 

If you can read this post and still want to have a baby, you're probably ready (or else completely warped, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt).

Breastfeeding and Working

... can be a challenge.

I have been back to work full time for 3 weeks now. Thankfully, I have an office and some schedule flexibility because I am a supervisor. I pump three times a day.

First Lesson - Stress on the job makes pumping hard... it just doesn't go fast if you are stressed so grab a book and try to relax.

Second Lesson - EVERYONE knows what you are doing... it is a fact of life... oh well.

Third Lesson - Trying to do something away from work at a workshop or conference is trying. You need to call ahead and have them find you a place. It may be an awkward conversation but it worth it that day. You will already have enough issues getting yourself and all your parts out the door, you don't need to worry about where to hide. Breaks aren't going to line up so you will miss programs and networking but oh well. Don't forget your cooler.

Working and breastfeeding is hard, working full-time and breastfeeding is harder. You will want to give up and some point. Vent to someone, hey vent to us, so you can go a bit longer and when you can stand it no longer... don't beat yourself up. You can still try and do 4+ feedings at home. Goodness knows that it is going to be the cleaning of bottles after work that is going to be the end of me.

Recovery is a Bitch

I wish there was a nicer way to say this but there isn't. Recovery is a bitch. After I had my baby I wondered why no one told me and then I realized some of my friends had tried. They told me it was terrible and I remember thinking it can't be that bad. Plus when you are 8 months pregnant all you can think about is having your baby out of your body safe and sound so you are pretty much willing to endure anything to get to that point. Here are a few tips to make the recovery process a little easier.

• Buy a donut/hemroid pillow. You can not imagine how uncomfortable it will be to sit


• If you leave the house for any reason without your baby those first few weeks you should probably print up little cards to hand to people you may run in to that say "I just gave birth and have therefore donated what feels like half my brain and most of my blood to the good cause of bringing a precious little being in to this world so please be patient with me."


• Have someone you know and love promise (before delivery) to bake your favorite treat after the baby arrives. Then ask them to repeat the favor about 25 more times.


• Your stomach will look scary. My advise is don't look at it. Now I totally understand the whole Elizabethan Collar. It was invented by a woman who just gave birth and didn't want to look at her stomach. If you can find one I would suggest buying it. Also avoid full length mirrors. If you know you will encounter them often invest in one of those t-shirts with the perfect bikini body painted on it. It will go well with the collar.

The good news is your new baby will take up most of your time and occupy almost all of your thoughts so you won't have too much time to reflect on how hard recovery is until you are through the worst of it.

Amazing Milk Powers

No one told me that you can actually squirt breast milk a few feet by squeezing your boob when its full. I knew it had to come out somehow but I expected it to ooze or dribble (which it does too) but I never expected to be able to aim and shoot. Why aren't women taking more advantage of this fun and amazing talent. Men have pissing and spitting contests so why aren't women lining up to see who can shoot their breast milk the farthest?

A few other things my family has learned about breast milk, it keeps avocado (for the baby) greener longer and heals cuts remarkably fast. Its pretty much an amazing super serum.

Cute clothes are kind-of a pain

Before I became a mom I almost always bought cute outfits as baby shower gifts. I will never do that again! Seriously, most of the cute stuff is such a pain to get on and off that we don't bother with it unless we're taking photos or something. Calvin's been living in footed sleepers - the Circo ones with the zipper are our favorites and you can get a 3-pack for $10 - and now that the weather's getting warmer he's just wearing onesies during the day. Pants? Shoes? Forget it! Not worth the bother most of the time.

more about laundry

Tag-teaming off V's post below:

We also gave up on sorting the baby laundry - forget it! I use Shout Advanced Gel for our stain remover, but the best discovery I've made yet (thank you, Internet) is that the miracle stain remover for baby poop is...drumroll, please...sunlight!

Just wash your items as usual, but instead of putting them in the dryer lay them out in the sun for a couple of hours. Stains are completely erased. I've tried it on whites and colors and it works equally well. It also works on set-in stains, so don't despair if you've already washed and dried an item and it's still stained. I haven't tried this on stains other than baby poop, but have read some pretty impressive testimonials online. It works so well for us that we're thinking about hanging a clothesline in the back yard.

The downside to this option is that you can't use it if the weather is bad, but if you have a bad stain and would have to ditch the garment otherwise, it's worth hanging on to it and waiting for a clear day.

... about laundry

I had everything ready to go when our son came home. You are already tired and learning how to take care of a new person and we were doing a load a day. It does get better as you learn what you really need to use but be prepared. (Watch out for the grandparents - they like to use lots of blankets! ;)) This is a great way visitors can help out. We are down to 3 loads a week but it seems endless. If you feel yourself stressing because you are out of burp clothes again, do yourself a favor and buy some more! My husband and I gave up sorting whites and colors a long time ago!
We use 7th Generation - cheaper at WF than BRU. For milk stains we soak in OXO Brite and then rewash with other clothes in 7th Gen. OXO helps with poop too but isn't perfect. I have no answers for that one! - V